This is my life

Certain members of my family are visiting at the moment, and by members I don't mean appendages of any kind but the persons to which they're attached. Which is nonsense, I realize, but I have good reason to be writing with only a third of my good sense and that good reason is this person:



He's three. He's three, and he is the bane of my sleep, has been since the very first hour of his life, nay, since the sixth month of his gestation.

This child is a vampire. He is the vampire to end all vampires and by this I mean he doesn't sleep, and by that I mean he's got me beat. With a very large stick.

So, as I mentioned, my mother and sister are visiting with various offspring. Asher, the vampire mentioned above, is thrilled. Various offspring! Friends! Come play Castle Crashers and swords and ninja turtles! Let's wrestle and hug and share Goldfish and never sleep again!

I'm fairly certain all of these thoughts either ran through his mind or from his tongue at some point during the day. Actually, I'm convinced they were still running through his mind during the night as well because this child went to bed at 7:30, woke up at 10:15 and didn't go back to sleep until 6:30. I know because I was awake the entire time, begging and threatening and putting him back on the pillow over and over and over and over while I held back tears and violence.

The last straw, which I believe was sometime before 6:30 when (apparently) my nephew decided it was morning, was when Asher complained that he didn't want the bugs to bite him. I threw my hands in the air and swore there were no bugs (it's January and snowing!), and would you pleeeeeeease go. to. sleep?! Two minutes later, I kid you not, he said, aloud and with great vehemence, "Go away!" I got up again to shush him only to see that he's lying flat on the floor (of our room in his sleeping bag, which is my version of a desperate measure), staring at the nothing that's above him. Then, "Stop it!"

I officially freaked out, picked him up, cradled him and sat in my bed while he zoned with his head on my chest.

It still took him another hour before he really fell asleep, which means I didn't actually fall asleep until Bryan's alarm went off.

I love my kid, but the vampire's life is a hard one to row, particularly when I'm living it for both of us. Just saying.