Monday, January 11, 2010

Hey, I found a loophole for inappropriate stories!

I was brought up very well. Some might say that I had a fairly idyllic childhood: two parents who (still) adore each other, one sister, one brother, all close in age, all of us best friends. We weren't just raised in the "church" but with prayer and the Word. Homeschooled, protected from evils, loved like crazy.

All this begs the question, where did I go wrong? No, wait: Where did Beth go worse? Do you know how much she likes to say "penis" and blog about penises? I mean, really. I'm not one to nickname a significant part of my sons' anatomies, so the word penis is mentioned around here (usually with something having to do with potties), but Beth is... worse.

The thing is, when Bethany's at home, we're on IM for hours every evening while she blogs, and we say these things to each other that we don't (I don't) say to other people, like, you know, in public. Turns out that this is a practice that's rather difficult to uncondition. Ahem. We say things that make our mother blush. No, seriously. Apparently she actually blushed in the diner the other morning when Beth said something (I didn't hear, unfortunately) about, of all things, vaginas. Poor Mom. I actually feel bad for her.

Case in point: as the kids (between our three families, we have about 125) were bedding down for the evening, we were biding time by watching "Knight Rider." Bryan was watching it; we were sitting there mocking it. I'm pretty sure that's what you're supposed to do, anyway. So, there's this shot in the scene of some wacked, random implement in the middle of the garage, just beyond KITT, and Bethany goes, "Wow, that was random." The scene cuts to the bad guys lowering identical wacked implement into their wacked implement thingy, and, ah, that explains that random shot.

My mouth opens and this pops out: "Scary phallic bomb."
Mom: "I'm going to work on my (Facebook) farm." She all but runs to her computer.
Bryan (laughing): "That's what they call a weapon of mass destruction."
Bethany: "That's what she said."

Bryan and I laughed so hard, I expect our neighbors filed noise complaints. I'm pretty sure Beth's only saving grace here is that Mom may not understand the joke. I'm hoping.

So anyway, kids, remember that no matter how good your upbringing, you can still go wrong if you spend too much time on that evil place they call "The Net." Also pray that I bite my tongue in time so I stop driving my mother from the room. Thanks.


  1. Don't worry. I'll always be mildly more inappropriate then you. I do it on purpose to make you look better. Your welcome.

  2. Oh, Darleen, I can relate. After watching, "The Office" with my adult sons, I had to leave the room for one episode. The male genitalia was mentioned so often, even with a room full of testosterone, I couldn't take it. AND I never heard the phrase, "That's what she said" before watching that show. My husband still can't believe that one.

  3. I say things during therapy that are total "That's what she said" moments. BUT I CAN'T SAY THEM!!!

  4. I don't think there is ANY unappropriate time for a "That's what she said"