Saturday, December 19, 2009

It's his fault

I'm frustrated. Frustrated with my stuck-at-home-ness and subsequent solitude and loneliness. I am a social person by nature. I was raised in a home with two parents, two siblings (with whom I spent nearly every waking & sleeping moment), was involved in youth groups and homeschool groups, had neighborhoods friends and cousins we spent time with and pen pals, and --

*gasping for breath*

You get the picture.

I'm looking into getting involved more in our church, which we love, by the way. I have no desire to look for another church; I want to be involved here. We are home where we are. However, all the women's groups take place during the week, in the morning, provide childcare for kids Asher's age, but none for Elijah (who is homeschooled) and would thus have to either sit in with all the women, when, honestly, we should be home doing school anyway. And let's be honest, I need time away from him sometimes, too. It sounds terrible, but you try being with a nine year old boy (and his three year old brother) twenty-four/ seven. It's beyond exhausting.

So I considered men & women groups, you know, for couples. For about half a second. It'd never happen because Bryan would never go. Never. Did you catch that I said "never" three times in that statement? Shall I say it once more to emphasize my point? He would NEVER go.

It's not that I'm a believing wife with an unbelieving husband. It's just that I'm a social woman married to an antisocial man. It's just that I've adjusted to his social tendencies for the last decade of marriage, and, subsequently, formed a tight bubble around our home that consists of only the four of us and whichever extended-family members happen to be visiting.

To be fair, I'm also a little shy (at first), and I am lazy; I hate to have to work for whatever good thing I know will eventually be produced. It's a bad combination.

In the meantime, I'm still sitting at home. Waiting for my sister to come on IM because she is my outside-this-bubble social life. Clicking through Twitter, eavesdropping on the social interactions of others. Wondering if I'm going to have to actually put myself out there and email the homeschool group I haven't been involved in this year and try to either a) wheedle myself into an existing Bible/ prayer group or b) start one.

Eeeeeeeeeee. Cue the belly butterflies.

1 comment:

  1. I know about sports now. Another 8 years and I'll be playing fantasy sports on an elite level. It's all part of becoming "one" with our spouse.
    I'm looking forward to visiting too. If I found out something to do would you be game? (no pun intended. Well maybe a little.)